As a “big,” Bengo Mrema commits to the long haul
Bengo Mrema, an accounting supervisor at Cargill and “Big Brother” for nearly eight years, will lead a membership drive in January to encourage his colleagues to apply to Big Brothers Big Sisters of America. Mrema, who began as a BBBS mentor after he graduated from Macalester College in 2000, hopes to educate others about how they may help children reach their potential as mentors in the BBBS program.
Big Brothers Big Sisters matches older mentors (“bigs”) with children under the age of 18. Most of the mentees, or “littles,” come from tough neighborhoods, single-parent homes, or may have many siblings and don’t receive enough one-on-one attention.
When Mrema started as a Big Brother in 2001 for a 10-year-old boy, he had large expectations. He imagined the two would work diligently on homework and eventually fill out college applications together.
The mentoring process didn’t work out exactly as Mrema planned. His mentee was stubborn and didn’t show interest in Mrema or schoolwork. Before the two could make any progress, Mrema would have to win the trust of his “little.”
“I was frustrated,” said Mrema. “At first he had no incentive to really listen to me, probably because he had had several men come and go in his life.”
Mrema quickly changed his approach. Instead of intensive study sessions, he took his “little” to play basketball. Mrema found a creative way to include academics in their meetings, too—he gave his “little” math quizzes during the car rides to and from the court.
His positive, consistent presence made an impact. After two years of weekly meetings with his “little,” Mrema noticed, with delight, a shift in their relationship. His mentee responded more enthusiastically to Mrema’s presence and started calling Mrema frequently, initiating meetings to work on homework, shoot hoops, or hang out.
Almost seven years have passed since Mrema began mentoring his “Little.” He continues to be a guiding presence in his “little’s” life by introducing ideas about college and other post-secondary education options. Although his “little” will soon be too old to participate in the BBBS program, Mrema won’t stop his commitment. He plans to take on a new mentee in the future.
As Mrema reflects on his time as a mentor, he takes pride in the fact that his “little” has, unlike many of his peers, kept away from drugs, gangs, or having a police record. Mrema advises potential “bigs” to expect ups and downs along the way, and emphasizes that the key to success is unconditional commitment.
“If a lot of kids don’t have the support network we provide them, they could be in much worse trouble,” said Mrema.
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